Of Peace and Hamster Balls

Some days (like today) when my husband asks me how my day was, I can only think of one response: "I ran around in the hamster ball again today."  You know what a hamster ball is, right (don't be cheeky)?  One of those clear plastic balls that people drop their hamster in so that he/she can run through the house only to be caught in the same frantic repetitive motion again and again…and sadly, not really accomplish all that much.  Sometimes, I, too feel akin to one of those furry little creatures.  I know what it is like to run around, completing the same task over and over and not feel too successful once done.  Exhausted is more like it.  I don't mean to sound like: "Woe is me.  I am a poor stay at home mom.  Feel sorry for me.  I am so unappreciated and bored."  I guess I just want others who are in their own hamster balls (OK…now the whole "ball" thing is sounding weird) to know they are not alone in feeling, well…alone.
Staying at home and caring for a family is monotonous and often crazy.  I cannot tell you how many times a week I answer the same questions, complete the same tasks, clean the same house, wash the same clothes, buy the same groceries, drive the same routes, referee the same fights, make the same meals, and wipe the same butts.  You get my drift.  The repetition takes its toll. The hardest part is the invisibility of it all.  Does anyone even notice me? Or, am I just scurrying by in a flash?  Sometimes, I miss working outside of the home for that very reason.  I miss having someone tell me they see my effort.  They notice how hard I work…and hey, here's a raise on top of it.  I miss being seen.  Maybe that is why so many stay at home moms Instagram, Facebook and blog.  It's like we are all raising our hands and jumping around silently shouting "Look at me!  I am still here!  What I do is of value!"  Right? Right. Today I feel hamster ballish :) But, most days, at some point I regroup and really start to think about my role.  The role I am so fortunate to have.
I know when I go to bed tonight, tomorrow will be a new day.  However, I am also aware of the fact that it will be very much the same as today.  As boring as that seems at times, when I sit back and look at it from the perspective of the day being a gift.  I see how wonderful that consistency can be.  I am thankful for the family that I give my all for each day.  I am blessed by the husband who entrusts me to do the bulk of the child rearing and the education of our kids.  I am grateful for the home, clothing, and even for chores.  I am tired, but, it's good.
Tomorrow I will get up and lace up my shoes.  I know I will be "on the run" again.  I am making a deal with myself to choose to view it with peace in my heart.  I know that I will get bored; I will get frustrated; and I will bump into walls again and again.  I will do these things for the family that I love so dearly, who rely on the consistency and who fill my life with purpose.  Perspective is everything. As my friend Jen once told me," S**t could be worse."  She's right.  Hamster balls aren't that bad. ;)

Of Peace and Pancakes

I handed my boy his plate of pancakes this morning. I had prepared those pancakes in a foul mood. I am not going to lie, there was some yelling in the kitchen and some unkind words spoken under my breath as my children seemed to be doing anything (and everything) to interrupt and completely derail the making of said pancakes. A couple times I found myself struggling with the simplicity of making this morning's meal. Wouldn't it just be easier to drive through Starbucks??? No. NO. Homemade, nourishing pancakes complete with ground flaxseed and only the finest of organic ingredients. That's better, right? I was not so sure...since I think I added a few ingredients: spite, anger and a dash of resentment. I am not proud. But, I am human.
I digress. I handed my boy his plate of pancakes, and this came out of his mouth: "Those are some ugly pancakes." Those are some ugly pancakes? Seriously? These pancakes that I prepared for you and your sister when I didn't even want to? The pancakes I made while my head was pounding, while the dog was barking, while the phone was ringing, while the laundry was waiting, while my back was aching, while my to-do list was pulsing, while you and your sister were running around like wild beasts? Those very pancakes? At that moment, I could have thrown those pancakes against the wall. I could have given up and given in. I could have. I didn't.
Like a flash through my mind I understood the moment that had presented itself. I sat down, took a deep breath and said "What they look like on the outside says nothing about their quality on the inside." There, we have it. A morning of awful pancake prep turned into a discussion with my children about looking deeper into situations, people and even pancakes to find the qualities that make them what or who they are. I couldn't help but give myself a few moments of grace realizing that this morning I looked like a crazy, bitter, overwhelmed mother...those ugly pancakes reminded me to look beyond that moment and honor what I am inside and forgive.
This journey I am on...that we all are on, presents lessons at the oddest moments. One just needs to be open and aware of the path towards peace. I am trying. Everyday.